When there are issues about past occurrences in your life, we know that letting go is easier said than done. And this is especially true for people who lost a love one, or someone who they care about. The problem is, most people use these everyday responsibilities and the issues they face every day to mask having to deal with issues of their past. In other words they are camouflaging the real problem. Whether its career, family, health, a failed romance, a death – many people have their own stories to share. They are just seldom heard.
Especial if you are a busy person, however this is such a broad description. People are busy with work; others can be full time moms dealing with several kids at home. Fathers are working overtime and sometimes two jobs. Other women are single parents who are balancing a job or two with the responsibilities of raising and supporting their children. Others are full of responsibilities in their civic or social participations.
One of the most common reasons for feeling unhappy or second guessing life is envy or jealousy of what other people have. This is human nature that we want what we don’t have and are unsatisfied with what we do have.
Career women envy those women with loving husbands and children, while the full time moms wonder what it would have been like had they chosen to stay in their jobs and put that first before raising a family.
Successful fathers jealous at their business counterpart who have a spouse that resembles a move-star figure, while wonder if his career plaid a part. When you’re comparing yourself to others and evaluating your own life, it paves the way for looking back into your past and wishing that things might have turned out differently.
So what can you do?
It is a very easy thing to be dissatisfied with your past. And we sometimes fall into the trap of looking at where we are now, and wishing we could have done things differently in the past. What you must understand is that you are where you are now, and there is nothing you can do to change what has already happened. The key is to see your past as something positive and look forward to a better future. Each past occurrences brings unique experiences that you can draw lessons from, whether they were good or bad experiences. This doesn’t mean that you can’t reflect on what has already happened; you shouldn’t dwell on past decisions or “what ifs” and instead learn from them and carve a life you can be happy about.
No doubt that everyone has a chance for a more satisfying, happy future. But that can only come with the realization that the past is your foundation to build a strong and happy life. Don’t get stuck in feelings of regret, envy, or hate. No matter what has happened or what may happen, look to future with a bright, positive eye! The best is yet to come.
Written by Carl Mathis, author of Life is What you Make it – Seven Steps to Moving Forward. Visit Carl’s website at http://www.carlmathis.com
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Living After the Death of a love one: 5 Stages.
Living After the Death of a love one: 5 Stages.
Losing someone close to you is one of the most emotionally grueling experiences a person can go through in a lifetime. The thought of you without the person in you life, can symbolically compared to a rollercoaster ride.
The lost of a friend.
The lost of a companionship.
The lost of your spouse.
The lost of a sibling.
The lost of a child.
The lost of a mother/father.
These are just a few of the people, when lost from your life, can make your life incomplete and had to comprehend.
As you grieve, however, you realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief.
Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to Life is What You Make It – Seven Steps to Moving Forward, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like it in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:
1. Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.
2. Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.
3. Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.
4. Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.
5. Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life but a mere beginning.
Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.
Carl Mathis, author of Life is what you make it – seven steps to moving forward
For more from Carl go to http://www.carlmathis.com
Losing someone close to you is one of the most emotionally grueling experiences a person can go through in a lifetime. The thought of you without the person in you life, can symbolically compared to a rollercoaster ride.
The lost of a friend.
The lost of a companionship.
The lost of your spouse.
The lost of a sibling.
The lost of a child.
The lost of a mother/father.
These are just a few of the people, when lost from your life, can make your life incomplete and had to comprehend.
As you grieve, however, you realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief.
Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to Life is What You Make It – Seven Steps to Moving Forward, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like it in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:
1. Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.
2. Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.
3. Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.
4. Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.
5. Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life but a mere beginning.
Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.
Carl Mathis, author of Life is what you make it – seven steps to moving forward
For more from Carl go to http://www.carlmathis.com
Saturday, August 6, 2011
My Lost and His Gain
In 2005, my life took a turn in a direction that I was not expecting. Something occurred that changed the course of my directions in my life in such a dramatic way, as a result, I had to make some adjustments to put me and my three sons lives back together again.
This dramatic change in my life brought much heartache and devastation to my entire family and made it extremely difficult for me to possess the strength to carry on in my life. Once in my life, I had a cup that was full of love, joy and happiness. But all that changed in a matter of years due to my wife slowly but gradually illness. I was in a very desperate, yet appeared to be lonely place in my life with no one to hold me up or comfort me during the times I needed it most. I hoped and prayed that someone, anyone would come to my rescue to relieve some of my pain and hardships. I waited for a very long time it seemed, but no one really showed up and that’s when I found out that life is truly what you make it as a person, and that no one else can make your life for you.
My life as I was living it was one that I inherited due to my choices and my actions in life. Although God will sometimes give us directions and even provide the means to accomplish a certain thing in life, in reality you are truly the only one that could bring it into fruition if you choose to receive and work at the things that needed to reach a certain plateau in your life.
To be continued:
Carl Mathis: author of Life is what you make it - Seven steps to moving forward
For more go to http://www.carlmathis.com
This dramatic change in my life brought much heartache and devastation to my entire family and made it extremely difficult for me to possess the strength to carry on in my life. Once in my life, I had a cup that was full of love, joy and happiness. But all that changed in a matter of years due to my wife slowly but gradually illness. I was in a very desperate, yet appeared to be lonely place in my life with no one to hold me up or comfort me during the times I needed it most. I hoped and prayed that someone, anyone would come to my rescue to relieve some of my pain and hardships. I waited for a very long time it seemed, but no one really showed up and that’s when I found out that life is truly what you make it as a person, and that no one else can make your life for you.
My life as I was living it was one that I inherited due to my choices and my actions in life. Although God will sometimes give us directions and even provide the means to accomplish a certain thing in life, in reality you are truly the only one that could bring it into fruition if you choose to receive and work at the things that needed to reach a certain plateau in your life.
To be continued:
Carl Mathis: author of Life is what you make it - Seven steps to moving forward
For more go to http://www.carlmathis.com
Thursday, June 16, 2011
After your cup has been emptied, how does it get Refilled? When the flaming fire on the inside evaporates the liquid before the cup is able to fill up, what do you do? Who do you turn to? I tried and I tried, but I was unable to fill my cup to its max. The burning and the emptiness inside of me made me a total wreck.
Whenever my cup reaches about the half-way point, it seems to evaporate, and then I am left with starting allover again. My ability seems to have no effect at all. I felt like I was in a dark pit with no way out. I began to think of how Joseph must have felt when he was thrown into the pit by his brothers.
So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he
was wearing—and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there
was no water in it.
Genesis 37:23–24 (niv)
The wall was crumbling around me. Who do I turn to? Where does my help come from? I tried to encourage myself. Then my cup reached the three-quarter point, but that flaming fire on the inside never fails. It seems to always burn up what was in my cup before the cup gets full. I was like an empty vessel. If you touched me too hard, I would break. If you pushed me, I would fall. I just wanted to be filled. I waited and waited for someone to put something in my vessel: some conversation, some advice, some encouragement, some instruction. Oh, how I longed to be filled.
I was falling with no strength to pick myself up; it had been a trying time of my life—the separation from my wife when God called her home. After we were joined together for so long and then separated, I felt like I’d lost every ounce of strength in my body.
Oh how I searched for that certain thing to fill the blank spot, but I was like a runaway train heading for disaster. I keep asking myself, “Am I the only one who feels like this?” I know many have looked at me on a daily basis as though everything was okay, but they did not know I was one step away from doing something bad to myself. Countless times when I would drive to work, trying to focus on the good points of my life, evil was present and speaking in my ear about conducting some evil actions.
So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands.
Romans 7:21 (ab)
The things I thought of doing and a few things I did were not so pleasant in the eyes of God. There is a saying that says, “Only God knows.” This saying exemplifies the way I felt for a long time. Only God knew I was an empty vessel and looking for help.
Let me take you back to 1984. It was my sister’s friend’s wedding; I was a young male who was fresh from the United States Army Basic Training. My sister, Heaseland, introduced me to one of her friends named Dale. Dale was attending Boys and Girls Height School in Brooklyn, New York. From that moment on, we were a match made in Heaven. We were together ever since. We had our share of ups and downs, but we stuck it out. We had two boys, and then we moved to Miami,
Florida, in 1995. Then we had one more boy. We were a family of five, and everything was okay for a while. We were active in the church, and I was striving to be a minister. But in 1994, Dale was diagnosed with lupus. Many doctors visits, hospital attendance, and medical bills began to take effect. After a while, there was no trace of the infirmity in her body. I credit that to the prayers of the righteous, the late Harriet Jones and the members of Holy Ghost Tabernacle Church, and also our family and friends who labored in prayer.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest
prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
James 5:16 (nlt)
Whenever my cup reaches about the half-way point, it seems to evaporate, and then I am left with starting allover again. My ability seems to have no effect at all. I felt like I was in a dark pit with no way out. I began to think of how Joseph must have felt when he was thrown into the pit by his brothers.
So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he
was wearing—and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there
was no water in it.
Genesis 37:23–24 (niv)
The wall was crumbling around me. Who do I turn to? Where does my help come from? I tried to encourage myself. Then my cup reached the three-quarter point, but that flaming fire on the inside never fails. It seems to always burn up what was in my cup before the cup gets full. I was like an empty vessel. If you touched me too hard, I would break. If you pushed me, I would fall. I just wanted to be filled. I waited and waited for someone to put something in my vessel: some conversation, some advice, some encouragement, some instruction. Oh, how I longed to be filled.
I was falling with no strength to pick myself up; it had been a trying time of my life—the separation from my wife when God called her home. After we were joined together for so long and then separated, I felt like I’d lost every ounce of strength in my body.
Oh how I searched for that certain thing to fill the blank spot, but I was like a runaway train heading for disaster. I keep asking myself, “Am I the only one who feels like this?” I know many have looked at me on a daily basis as though everything was okay, but they did not know I was one step away from doing something bad to myself. Countless times when I would drive to work, trying to focus on the good points of my life, evil was present and speaking in my ear about conducting some evil actions.
So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands.
Romans 7:21 (ab)
The things I thought of doing and a few things I did were not so pleasant in the eyes of God. There is a saying that says, “Only God knows.” This saying exemplifies the way I felt for a long time. Only God knew I was an empty vessel and looking for help.
Let me take you back to 1984. It was my sister’s friend’s wedding; I was a young male who was fresh from the United States Army Basic Training. My sister, Heaseland, introduced me to one of her friends named Dale. Dale was attending Boys and Girls Height School in Brooklyn, New York. From that moment on, we were a match made in Heaven. We were together ever since. We had our share of ups and downs, but we stuck it out. We had two boys, and then we moved to Miami,
Florida, in 1995. Then we had one more boy. We were a family of five, and everything was okay for a while. We were active in the church, and I was striving to be a minister. But in 1994, Dale was diagnosed with lupus. Many doctors visits, hospital attendance, and medical bills began to take effect. After a while, there was no trace of the infirmity in her body. I credit that to the prayers of the righteous, the late Harriet Jones and the members of Holy Ghost Tabernacle Church, and also our family and friends who labored in prayer.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest
prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
James 5:16 (nlt)
Sunday, May 29, 2011
This is your time: how valuable is a quiet moment with you.
Some people call it rest, some call it taking a five or ten, some even call it taking a nap, but when the rubber hits the road it’s really a quiet moment with you. Such a moment allows your body to get some comfort time.
Okay, you say it was God who blessed you with the working ability, but your struggle is taking a moment for you. If that’s the case with you, here are some helpful hints.
1: Never let someone else be the one to say when for you.
Others are helpful sometimes, but only you know when it’s time to say, this is my time to rest. You hold the key to your body being revived. You are human and not a battered bunny that could go on and on. Never allow anyone to influence you to work your body like a horse on the race track. Take the time you need to rest, your body deserves it.
2: Know when it’s time to rest all year round.
The season or the time of the year doesn’t dictate if you should rest or not. Your body signals is what triggers you to say “it’s time”. Successful people know when to stop at the red light and wait for a moment until the green comes on again before moving forward because if they run the red light, they are looking for an obvious accident. So when it comes to the laws for the body, if you pursue risks without rest, you are eminent to cause serious damage, which will affect how long you are able to pursue purpose.
3: Pursue to see purpose, and let not your purpose see you
Just like anything else done with passion and zeal until the very end, you must also be mindful of becomeing addicted to the point that you kick your moments of rest to the side. Because what will eventually happen is your passion will be on high, then your body will burnt out until you can’t go anymore. In other words, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. The ultimate purpose is to fulfill the will of God for you life, so be wise and make sure you don’t fall short due to weariness and exhaustion from not performing such a little task: Rest.
4: Practice relaxing
Many people find it difficult or impossible to stop on a dime what they are doing and take a rest. If it’s so difficult for you to do such a thing, work at it in increments (a little at a time). Don’t wait for the vacation time to get away on your secret hideaway. Control what you are doing by lessening your work load so you could get a period here and a period there, bit by bit, until your big moment comes, to shut the world out, and remain silent with you alone.
4: Give yourself a prize
Why work so hard, day and night, time after time and not reward you with a prize of rest. You need something to keep you going and going. You need energy, without it, your concept of what you are doing will fade away. Your motivation and drive to continue will not be at a level to bring great result.
I know you are probably saying that the more work you do, brings more productivity, but the truth of the matter is that productivity comes from the quiet moments when the mind body and soul is rested. What rest does is give you a chance to see and get understanding of what your true purpose is. Then, out comes the motivation and inspiration to go one more mile.
Motivation speaker/author Carl Mathis
Author of Life is what you make it – seven steps to moving forward.
Let Carl Mathis inspired you, go to his website http://www.carlmathis.com
Okay, you say it was God who blessed you with the working ability, but your struggle is taking a moment for you. If that’s the case with you, here are some helpful hints.
1: Never let someone else be the one to say when for you.
Others are helpful sometimes, but only you know when it’s time to say, this is my time to rest. You hold the key to your body being revived. You are human and not a battered bunny that could go on and on. Never allow anyone to influence you to work your body like a horse on the race track. Take the time you need to rest, your body deserves it.
2: Know when it’s time to rest all year round.
The season or the time of the year doesn’t dictate if you should rest or not. Your body signals is what triggers you to say “it’s time”. Successful people know when to stop at the red light and wait for a moment until the green comes on again before moving forward because if they run the red light, they are looking for an obvious accident. So when it comes to the laws for the body, if you pursue risks without rest, you are eminent to cause serious damage, which will affect how long you are able to pursue purpose.
3: Pursue to see purpose, and let not your purpose see you
Just like anything else done with passion and zeal until the very end, you must also be mindful of becomeing addicted to the point that you kick your moments of rest to the side. Because what will eventually happen is your passion will be on high, then your body will burnt out until you can’t go anymore. In other words, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. The ultimate purpose is to fulfill the will of God for you life, so be wise and make sure you don’t fall short due to weariness and exhaustion from not performing such a little task: Rest.
4: Practice relaxing
Many people find it difficult or impossible to stop on a dime what they are doing and take a rest. If it’s so difficult for you to do such a thing, work at it in increments (a little at a time). Don’t wait for the vacation time to get away on your secret hideaway. Control what you are doing by lessening your work load so you could get a period here and a period there, bit by bit, until your big moment comes, to shut the world out, and remain silent with you alone.
4: Give yourself a prize
Why work so hard, day and night, time after time and not reward you with a prize of rest. You need something to keep you going and going. You need energy, without it, your concept of what you are doing will fade away. Your motivation and drive to continue will not be at a level to bring great result.
I know you are probably saying that the more work you do, brings more productivity, but the truth of the matter is that productivity comes from the quiet moments when the mind body and soul is rested. What rest does is give you a chance to see and get understanding of what your true purpose is. Then, out comes the motivation and inspiration to go one more mile.
Motivation speaker/author Carl Mathis
Author of Life is what you make it – seven steps to moving forward.
Let Carl Mathis inspired you, go to his website http://www.carlmathis.com
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Grieving: how to handle it
As I mediate on the past event of what occurred in my life, I wonder if there was not a God could I have survived this devastation. So many times I wanted to give up and just say enough is enough I don’t need all this stress and pain in my life. But because of love, giving up always seems too vanished in thin air.
What I am trying to say is, because I know that God love me, and He won’t leave me to handle this all alone, I gain strength to hold on, and then I loved my family too much not to be there for them. But it was not easy.
For years my schedule was like this. I would come home from a grave yard shift working at the Miccosukee Indian Casino and then attend to my wife. Take my boys to school. Go out back to my second job, come back home in the evening and attend to me wife, while preparing meals for the boys, then try to get a little rest before going back to my night job. Next day doing it all over again.
Keep in mind between all this, there was many hospitals and doctor visits, and then also attending to the boys with school stuffs etc. And if you are a parent you know that many miscellaneous stuff always comes up on a daily basses.
O yes, there was times when I come home from my night job so exhausted, that the only thing I remember was starting to take care of my wife, next thing I know it was time to go to work. What happened during the day, I don’t know.
When I met my wife, I was just coming out of boot camp from the United States Army training at Fort Sill in Oklahoma, and she was in High School. I never thought she was going to be diagnosed with TPP, and be permanently disabled, and then I was going to have to take care of her.
On December 15, 2005, I was just about to walk out from the building on my night job when I got a call from the Miami Dade Police informing me that my wife was past away in her sleep over night. If I tell you I remember clearly driving home that morning, I would be lying. However, a new chapter in my life has begun at the moment.
Did I want to give up? You bet I did. I remember those days that I had to come form my night job and go starch to the hospital to be with my wife because she had one of her many surgeries. Or the times when she would call me at work just to get some comfort from the reaction of medicine, and I have to talk and comfort her while working, giving up was a thought.
Did I shed tears? More that you could imagine. I know some might say it’s not manly for a man to cry, but I say to them, pain has not preference. From the physical pain on my body to the mental pain of seeing my family going through this ordeal, I had to shed tears.
Did I say why me? It was a popular word to use at that time. For a while I could not understand why it had to be me going through this task of lifting my wife from the bed to her wheel chair etc O yes I say why me many times.
Did I think about suicide? If you only knew how many times: the only thing that saves me was I know that God would not have honor suicide, and if I did my family would be worst off, so I believe that save me from it.
But the strength from God and the love for my family enable me to go on even after the death of my wife, but taking care of three young boys as a single parent was certainly not in the plan for my life.
I commend all the single parents who never give up on the fight to survive, because I experience the double dose of both parenthood in one body, and I can tell you it is not an easy task. This was/is an experience.
When my wife died it hit me pretty hard. From fainting at the grave yard to being rushed to the hospital from work because of stress and depress, I experienced it all. The grieving process was one I would like to forget forever. I remember the times I would drive to nowhere and just stop, or going to the rest room on my job and sit on the stole for no reason, it was a trying time. But I had to come to my senses and face reality because my boys needed me. This is when I realize that life is what you make it.
The process which enables me to move forward was not an easy one, but I thank God for His mercy and grace, because I know I would not be alive to write this testimonial letter. So I give all the credit to God because I can now say I am a much better person than I was years ago. I can truly say God answered my prayer, but I had to do some work to get this accomplished.
Overcoming and moving forward took dedicated time and work. I had to come face to face with my adversity, by accepting my present situation before I was able to move forward. This is one of the many scriptures I use to help me. “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8-KJV)
I hope you understand that I am not saying I accept the fact that my wife was dead, what I’m saying is, I had to realize that she is not coming back and look towards taking care of my boys.
It was time for me to take responsibility and do what is necessary to survive for my family sake. So I had to release the frustration and anger of losing my wife. I always turn to the scriptures help.
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4: 14-16 –NLT)
I made up my mind, with the Lord on my side; I was going to get past this hurdle in my life. I then started to think carefully about the decision I was making and the friends I was hanging around with, because this would make a critical point in my seceding. Then I begin to believe in myself and act on it, with prayer and action, I was able to overcome and move forward.
Carl Mathis author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forword
Go here now http://www.carlmathis.com for more
What I am trying to say is, because I know that God love me, and He won’t leave me to handle this all alone, I gain strength to hold on, and then I loved my family too much not to be there for them. But it was not easy.
For years my schedule was like this. I would come home from a grave yard shift working at the Miccosukee Indian Casino and then attend to my wife. Take my boys to school. Go out back to my second job, come back home in the evening and attend to me wife, while preparing meals for the boys, then try to get a little rest before going back to my night job. Next day doing it all over again.
Keep in mind between all this, there was many hospitals and doctor visits, and then also attending to the boys with school stuffs etc. And if you are a parent you know that many miscellaneous stuff always comes up on a daily basses.
O yes, there was times when I come home from my night job so exhausted, that the only thing I remember was starting to take care of my wife, next thing I know it was time to go to work. What happened during the day, I don’t know.
When I met my wife, I was just coming out of boot camp from the United States Army training at Fort Sill in Oklahoma, and she was in High School. I never thought she was going to be diagnosed with TPP, and be permanently disabled, and then I was going to have to take care of her.
On December 15, 2005, I was just about to walk out from the building on my night job when I got a call from the Miami Dade Police informing me that my wife was past away in her sleep over night. If I tell you I remember clearly driving home that morning, I would be lying. However, a new chapter in my life has begun at the moment.
Did I want to give up? You bet I did. I remember those days that I had to come form my night job and go starch to the hospital to be with my wife because she had one of her many surgeries. Or the times when she would call me at work just to get some comfort from the reaction of medicine, and I have to talk and comfort her while working, giving up was a thought.
Did I shed tears? More that you could imagine. I know some might say it’s not manly for a man to cry, but I say to them, pain has not preference. From the physical pain on my body to the mental pain of seeing my family going through this ordeal, I had to shed tears.
Did I say why me? It was a popular word to use at that time. For a while I could not understand why it had to be me going through this task of lifting my wife from the bed to her wheel chair etc O yes I say why me many times.
Did I think about suicide? If you only knew how many times: the only thing that saves me was I know that God would not have honor suicide, and if I did my family would be worst off, so I believe that save me from it.
But the strength from God and the love for my family enable me to go on even after the death of my wife, but taking care of three young boys as a single parent was certainly not in the plan for my life.
I commend all the single parents who never give up on the fight to survive, because I experience the double dose of both parenthood in one body, and I can tell you it is not an easy task. This was/is an experience.
When my wife died it hit me pretty hard. From fainting at the grave yard to being rushed to the hospital from work because of stress and depress, I experienced it all. The grieving process was one I would like to forget forever. I remember the times I would drive to nowhere and just stop, or going to the rest room on my job and sit on the stole for no reason, it was a trying time. But I had to come to my senses and face reality because my boys needed me. This is when I realize that life is what you make it.
The process which enables me to move forward was not an easy one, but I thank God for His mercy and grace, because I know I would not be alive to write this testimonial letter. So I give all the credit to God because I can now say I am a much better person than I was years ago. I can truly say God answered my prayer, but I had to do some work to get this accomplished.
Overcoming and moving forward took dedicated time and work. I had to come face to face with my adversity, by accepting my present situation before I was able to move forward. This is one of the many scriptures I use to help me. “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8-KJV)
I hope you understand that I am not saying I accept the fact that my wife was dead, what I’m saying is, I had to realize that she is not coming back and look towards taking care of my boys.
It was time for me to take responsibility and do what is necessary to survive for my family sake. So I had to release the frustration and anger of losing my wife. I always turn to the scriptures help.
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4: 14-16 –NLT)
I made up my mind, with the Lord on my side; I was going to get past this hurdle in my life. I then started to think carefully about the decision I was making and the friends I was hanging around with, because this would make a critical point in my seceding. Then I begin to believe in myself and act on it, with prayer and action, I was able to overcome and move forward.
Carl Mathis author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forword
Go here now http://www.carlmathis.com for more
Friday, May 6, 2011
How To Handle Emotions After A Spouse's Death
Losing a spouse is perhaps one of the most emotionally grueling experiences an adult can go through in their lifetime. The deafening emptiness of your home without your partner, the realization of dependency on your spouse, and the loss of everything that you once shared with – companionship, a friend, a person to turn to for advice - these are hard pills to swallow. For women, especially mothers, this is an unbelievably difficult change in their lives. Being suddenly left to raise the children alone and having to be the sole breadwinner for her now incomplete family is a hurdle many cannot fathom.
However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:
1.Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.
2.Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.
3.Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.
4.Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.
5.Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.
Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.
Carl Mathis, author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forward
For more from Carl go to http://www.carlmathios.com
However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:
1.Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.
2.Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.
3.Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.
4.Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.
5.Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.
Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.
Carl Mathis, author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forward
For more from Carl go to http://www.carlmathios.com
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