Grieving: how to handle it

As I mediate on the past event of what occurred in my life, I wonder if there was not a God could I have survived this devastation. So many times I wanted to give up and just say enough is enough I don’t need all this stress and pain in my life. But because of love, giving up always seems too vanished in thin air.

What I am trying to say is, because I know that God love me, and He won’t leave me to handle this all alone, I gain strength to hold on, and then I loved my family too much not to be there for them. But it was not easy.

For years my schedule was like this. I would come home from a grave yard shift working at the Miccosukee Indian Casino and then attend to my wife. Take my boys to school. Go out back to my second job, come back home in the evening and attend to me wife, while preparing meals for the boys, then try to get a little rest before going back to my night job. Next day doing it all over again.

Keep in mind between all this, there was many hospitals and doctor visits, and then also attending to the boys with school stuffs etc. And if you are a parent you know that many miscellaneous stuff always comes up on a daily basses.

O yes, there was times when I come home from my night job so exhausted, that the only thing I remember was starting to take care of my wife, next thing I know it was time to go to work. What happened during the day, I don’t know.

When I met my wife, I was just coming out of boot camp from the United States Army training at Fort Sill in Oklahoma, and she was in High School. I never thought she was going to be diagnosed with TPP, and be permanently disabled, and then I was going to have to take care of her.

On December 15, 2005, I was just about to walk out from the building on my night job when I got a call from the Miami Dade Police informing me that my wife was past away in her sleep over night. If I tell you I remember clearly driving home that morning, I would be lying. However, a new chapter in my life has begun at the moment.

Did I want to give up? You bet I did. I remember those days that I had to come form my night job and go starch to the hospital to be with my wife because she had one of her many surgeries. Or the times when she would call me at work just to get some comfort from the reaction of medicine, and I have to talk and comfort her while working, giving up was a thought.

Did I shed tears? More that you could imagine. I know some might say it’s not manly for a man to cry, but I say to them, pain has not preference. From the physical pain on my body to the mental pain of seeing my family going through this ordeal, I had to shed tears.

Did I say why me? It was a popular word to use at that time. For a while I could not understand why it had to be me going through this task of lifting my wife from the bed to her wheel chair etc O yes I say why me many times.

Did I think about suicide? If you only knew how many times: the only thing that saves me was I know that God would not have honor suicide, and if I did my family would be worst off, so I believe that save me from it.

But the strength from God and the love for my family enable me to go on even after the death of my wife, but taking care of three young boys as a single parent was certainly not in the plan for my life.

I commend all the single parents who never give up on the fight to survive, because I experience the double dose of both parenthood in one body, and I can tell you it is not an easy task. This was/is an experience.

When my wife died it hit me pretty hard. From fainting at the grave yard to being rushed to the hospital from work because of stress and depress, I experienced it all. The grieving process was one I would like to forget forever. I remember the times I would drive to nowhere and just stop, or going to the rest room on my job and sit on the stole for no reason, it was a trying time. But I had to come to my senses and face reality because my boys needed me. This is when I realize that life is what you make it.

The process which enables me to move forward was not an easy one, but I thank God for His mercy and grace, because I know I would not be alive to write this testimonial letter. So I give all the credit to God because I can now say I am a much better person than I was years ago. I can truly say God answered my prayer, but I had to do some work to get this accomplished.

Overcoming and moving forward took dedicated time and work. I had to come face to face with my adversity, by accepting my present situation before I was able to move forward. This is one of the many scriptures I use to help me. “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8-KJV)
I hope you understand that I am not saying I accept the fact that my wife was dead, what I’m saying is, I had to realize that she is not coming back and look towards taking care of my boys.

It was time for me to take responsibility and do what is necessary to survive for my family sake. So I had to release the frustration and anger of losing my wife. I always turn to the scriptures help.
So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4: 14-16 –NLT)

I made up my mind, with the Lord on my side; I was going to get past this hurdle in my life. I then started to think carefully about the decision I was making and the friends I was hanging around with, because this would make a critical point in my seceding. Then I begin to believe in myself and act on it, with prayer and action, I was able to overcome and move forward.

Carl Mathis author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forword
Go here now http://www.carlmathis.com for more

How To Handle Emotions After A Spouse's Death

Losing a spouse is perhaps one of the most emotionally grueling experiences an adult can go through in their lifetime. The deafening emptiness of your home without your partner, the realization of dependency on your spouse, and the loss of everything that you once shared with – companionship, a friend, a person to turn to for advice - these are hard pills to swallow. For women, especially mothers, this is an unbelievably difficult change in their lives. Being suddenly left to raise the children alone and having to be the sole breadwinner for her now incomplete family is a hurdle many cannot fathom.

However, as you grieve, realize that this time in your life will not be forever. Things can be done to improve your life and to move you forward out of your grief. Allow yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one, but once the tears start to become less, acknowledge the fact that it is time to move forward. According to “Life is What You Make It”, a book by Carl Mathis, this devastating tragedy can be the key and gateway to rebuilding an entirely new life, though it may not seem like so in the beginning. The power of positive thinking can do wonders in helping you to get out of your hole and can push you forward to begin your brand new life alone. Here are some ways to get you off the ground:

1.Understand that the pain will not easily go away. Do not be frustrated or fall into a deeper depression if you feel as if your grief is taking a long time. The loss of a spouse is a heavy burden and it will take time before you start to feel normal again. Think positively and know that this time will pass as well and eventually, you will feel better about life.

2.Acknowledge the power of choice. Do not feel guilty about realizing that you want to begin your new life. This means your time of grief is over. Think of the good things to come.

3.Do not think that you are forgetting your spouse. Just because your pain is slowly fading and you are starting to feel better, it doesn’t mean you are forgetting your spouse. Believe that they would have wanted you to be happy and fulfilled even when they are gone.

4.Channel your love and affection in other ways. Think positively and realize that you still have a lot of love to give. If you are looking for someone to care for, focus more attention on the children, or get a pet to take you through those solitary rough moments. Pets are great joy bringers, delivering comfort and happiness with just their mere presence. Not only that, believe that you can still find love, and that this is not the end of life for you as we know it.

5.Realize that death is just the beginning. Death is inevitable and by thinking positively, you’ll see what the good side of death is. It isn’t the end of life, but a mere beginning.

Employ some positive thinking to help get your through your situation. See the brighter side of things and not just what’s depressing and heartbreaking. There’s always a flipside and that is what you must realize.

Carl Mathis, author of Life is what you make it - seven steps to moving forward
For more from Carl go to http://www.carlmathios.com

Key steps to making the right decision

Coming to terms with your situation
I realize that coming to terms with a bad situation that happened in your past can be very difficult, especially if you have been through a terrible time. But whatever occur in your past will always be the past, it’s something that’s gone and never to be return. Only the memory of yesterday is left.

What’s important is to get your life in order and not become a negative person because of what happened in the past. It serves you no purpose to dwell on things that you cannot change or bring back. It is useless and wasted energy. Your focus should be on moving forward and making the right decision from this point on.

Training your mind
Training the mind is a process, a method of controlling or influencing the way the mind think. When you train, you start from small and gradual increase as you go. In other words, habituation, which means to do until you get accustom to whatever that thing is. Reality said that it takes about twenty one days for a habit to take effect, thus means that you need to repeat over and over until it becomes a natural flow of doing.

Positive thinking
In this time and age we can be easily influence by what we see and here. But we need to be confident, optimistic, and focusing on good things rather than bad. Decision making is one of the most critical aspects of a person life. Thus what you think about will reflect on the decision you make. This is why you need to have a positive attitude, which will translate to a positive view of your future.

God-given perspective
Evaluation of the situation in your life will put you in a position to make decision weather good or bad. However, we must keep things in a God given perspective. Whatever decision we make must be cantered around the truth in God words. According to Colossians 1:17 “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” Every decision you make must be lined up according to God word which will empowered you to make godly decisions that are based on the Truth of His Word.

Motivation speaker/author Carl Mathis
Author of life is what you make it – seven steps to moving forward.
To get more insight go to http://www.carlmathis.com