After your cup has been emptied, how does it get Refilled? When the flaming fire on the inside evaporates the liquid before the cup is able to fill up, what do you do? Who do you turn to? I tried and I tried, but I was unable to fill my cup to its max. The burning and the emptiness inside of me made me a total wreck.

Whenever my cup reaches about the half-way point, it seems to evaporate, and then I am left with starting allover again. My ability seems to have no effect at all. I felt like I was in a dark pit with no way out. I began to think of how Joseph must have felt when he was thrown into the pit by his brothers.

So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he
was wearing—and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there
was no water in it.

Genesis 37:23–24 (niv)

The wall was crumbling around me. Who do I turn to? Where does my help come from? I tried to encourage myself. Then my cup reached the three-quarter point, but that flaming fire on the inside never fails. It seems to always burn up what was in my cup before the cup gets full. I was like an empty vessel. If you touched me too hard, I would break. If you pushed me, I would fall. I just wanted to be filled. I waited and waited for someone to put something in my vessel: some conversation, some advice, some encouragement, some instruction. Oh, how I longed to be filled.

I was falling with no strength to pick myself up; it had been a trying time of my life—the separation from my wife when God called her home. After we were joined together for so long and then separated, I felt like I’d lost every ounce of strength in my body.

Oh how I searched for that certain thing to fill the blank spot, but I was like a runaway train heading for disaster. I keep asking myself, “Am I the only one who feels like this?” I know many have looked at me on a daily basis as though everything was okay, but they did not know I was one step away from doing something bad to myself. Countless times when I would drive to work, trying to focus on the good points of my life, evil was present and speaking in my ear about conducting some evil actions.

So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands.

Romans 7:21 (ab)

The things I thought of doing and a few things I did were not so pleasant in the eyes of God. There is a saying that says, “Only God knows.” This saying exemplifies the way I felt for a long time. Only God knew I was an empty vessel and looking for help.

Let me take you back to 1984. It was my sister’s friend’s wedding; I was a young male who was fresh from the United States Army Basic Training. My sister, Heaseland, introduced me to one of her friends named Dale. Dale was attending Boys and Girls Height School in Brooklyn, New York. From that moment on, we were a match made in Heaven. We were together ever since. We had our share of ups and downs, but we stuck it out. We had two boys, and then we moved to Miami,
Florida, in 1995. Then we had one more boy. We were a family of five, and everything was okay for a while. We were active in the church, and I was striving to be a minister. But in 1994, Dale was diagnosed with lupus. Many doctors visits, hospital attendance, and medical bills began to take effect. After a while, there was no trace of the infirmity in her body. I credit that to the prayers of the righteous, the late Harriet Jones and the members of Holy Ghost Tabernacle Church, and also our family and friends who labored in prayer.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest
prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

James 5:16 (nlt)